U2’s “Elevation” Video, Disected

Our video opens up with lead singer Bono walking home with some groceries, and by “home” we mean “Africa,” because lord knows someone needs to save those starving children. Shit gets real when Bono gets a call from “Evil Bono.” He gives Good Bono gets this message: “This is Evil Bono. We have The Edge. We want the key. You are surrounded, and not even Laura Croft can help you now.”

We are then treated with the sight of “Evil U2” suspended above the streets, spinning around in place like the world’s saddest yo-yo. It should be noted that the only difference between the two U2s is that Evil U2’s members wear nothing but black leather.

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Meanwhile, guitarist The Edge hits the lowest point in his career by being digitally inserted into various scenes of Laura Croft: Tomb Raider. Because nothing makes sense in the world of U2 music videos, The Edge just so happens to be in possession of “the Key” that’s wanted by Evil U2. He promises to give the green screen/Laura Croft the Key if she can get him out of her retarded movie.

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The Edge (dear God, do we really need to keep calling him that?) accidentally hits a button on the Key that causes everyone else but him and Laura to freeze in whatever pose they were doing. In Bono’s case, this was tossing his groceries aside for no particular reason.

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Anyway, The Edge hits the button again, and this causes everyone to be able to move again, and good U2 bursts into “Die Hard” mode. Drummer Larry Mullen Jr snags a motorcycle, and bassist Adam Clayton hijacks a taxi, and in response, Evil Bono uses his powers to send a a car and a motorcycle after them. Where’s Bono in all this? Stealing an air balloon? Swiping a skateboard? Misappropriating a Segway?

…Walking alongside a giraffe?

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"Be honest, would Africa be better off with or without me?"

To make a really short chase scene even shorter, Good U2’s rhythm section survive the incident without any injury, and the end of the street blows up Michael Bay style for no real reason.

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We’re then given an unusually hilarious moment as it looks like Adam Clayton is trapped in his hijacked taxi.

That'll teach him not to steal cars.

But the randomness reaches the peak of the crazy mountain when we get a very brief shot of The Edge and Laura Croft leaping from some ancient ruins….

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…To a shot of The Edge rolling onto a taxi cab.

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Before our brains can even wrap around whatever the hell just happened, Bono gets hit by a taxi cab. Before you get your hopes up, Bono is unharmed due to his ego shield.

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We then cut to a battle of Good versus Evil, U2-style. While both bands compete to see whose instruments can run the digital FX designer’s bill up fastest…

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…Good Bono and Evil Bono face off to see who can look like the biggest douche while g-force winds give their faces a well-deserved beating.

In the end, Good U2 literally disintegrates their evil doppelgangers with the power of music. As the band walks into the distance….

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…One can only wonder why there’s a floating elephant in the background.

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