Links That Prove the Original Star Wars Movies Aren’t That Great

2011 09 12 darthvadernooo

You’ve no doubt heard that Disney has bought the rights to Lucasfilm and are planning to release a 7th movie. If you haven’t please take a second to update which ever social media site you feel necessary.

Back? Awesome! Now, since the internet is currently slating the ever-loving shit out of Disney and how they’re going to destroy the legacy of Star Wars, here is a collection of links to show that Star Wars was already kind of stupid to begin with, because screw you Star Wars fans.

First of all you should go visit Cracked to see their list of 6 Star Wars Characters too retarded for film for a rundown of characters so immensely stupid they had to be confined to the extended universe like feral children. And if you’re a movie purist, their list of 7 Star Wars characters who totally dropped the ball is a must read, in which they explain why some of your favorite characters are actually total morons who almost killed the movies.

Then you should read all about the TIE fighter pilot who actually saved the entire universe,┬ábecause nothing ruins a movie faster than being told the only reason Luke Skywalker won is because some random guy you paid no attention to screwed up big time. And finally it couldn’t hurt for you to find out why Stormtroopers actually have such terrible aim, since George Lucas never explained that, despite it being a massive fucking plot hole that is totally important and relevant to the movie! You have a right to know and you owe it to yourself to read it.

2011 09 12 darthvadernooo1

The fact it was written by the same guy who wrote this is entirely coincidental.

Then why not head over to Topless Robot to read the unnecessarily excessive backstories of characters you don’t give a shit about, or better yet, check out BuzzFeed’s list of behind the scenes images to well and truly kill the part of your childhood still capable of wonder. If it’s still breathing, a more comprehensive list can be found at Mental Floss.

So before you rush to the internet to complain about a film for which no information anywhere exists yet, you should probably take a long hard look at the original movies and realize that even if they weren’t perfect, they were still pretty great. So the 7th movie has the potential to be pretty great too. Stop complaining about it until we have some solid info We need to plan our attack carefully and take out Disney with a massive explosion of complaints concentrated on a single point. Did Star Wars teach you nothing?

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