Brett Ratner Quits as Oscars Producer
Sad news out of Hollywood. Brett Ratner, the creative force behind such timeless classics as Cop House, Rush Hour 3 and Tower Heist, has stepped down as producer for the 2012 Academy Awards broadcast. Please feel free to take a minute to absorb this shocking and devastating news.
Ratner, who enjoys masturbating while eating shrimp and believes “rehearsal is for fags” released the following statement explaining his impromptu exit.
“I called [Academy president] Tom Sherak this morning and resigned as a producer of the 84th Academy Awards telecast. Being asked to help put on the Oscar show was the proudest moment of my career. But as painful as this may be for me, it would be worse if my association with the show were to be a distraction from the Academy and the high ideals it represents,” he stated.
And by “high ideals” I assume he means handing out pompous gold statues to undeserving pieces of cinematic tripe like Ordinary People, Chariots of Fire, Driving Miss Daisy, Forrest Gump, Titanic, Shakespeare in Love, American Beauty, Chicago, Crash and The King’s Speech.
Nevertheless, Ratner and his insatiable appetite for doing and saying all the politically incorrect things while in public won’t be taking his talents to the Academy’s sacred stage. Too bad, really. With a slovenly frat boy at the helm, the normally mundane Oscars might have been watchable. I mean, who doesn’t want to see the “In Memoriam” montage set to “Area Codes” by Ludacris?