Three Hilariously Ingeniuous Ways Celebrities Dealt With Paparazzi

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Pictured: A member of the paparazzi having the shit justifiably beaten out of him. Thanks, Wikipedia.

The paparazzi, AKA, celebrity fist magnets, are some of the most annoying people on Earth. They’re the human equivalent of herpes, nobody wants them but they’ll be around as long as beautiful people keep having sex.

Which is presumably why so many celebrities hate their guts. Just hating them isn’t enough to make them leave you alone, to do that you have to do something so insane it has to work. Something like…

3. Scrawling the word fuck on your face.

The thing about taking photos of celebrities is, you have to be able to actually print that photo. It’s all well and good to get a picture of Brad Pitt, but no newspaper in the world is going to print it if he flips his dong out as you take it. Well maybe a few would, but just the ones that make money, not the ones you respect.

Which is why what Marilyn Manson did was so smart, something we’ll bet you never though you’d hear someone say about Marilyn Manson. Rather than deal with paparazzi by avoiding or throwing McDonald’s at them, Manson opted to grab a grease pencil and carve the words “Fuck You” onto his face. The act made any photo of him unpublishable by all but the most metal of news sources.

Manson

By this logic, Ultimate Guitar.com is way more metal than Eonline, who knew?

In contrast to his stage persona and well, how he looks all the time, Manson was incredibly apologetic according to a Redditor who travelled with him. Taking great care to assure everyone he was flying with that the message scrawled across his jawbone was directed solely at the paparazzi. A lie we don’t believe since being in an airport meant he must have had to deal with the TSA. If anyone deserved that message, it’s the guy who tries to grab your junk when you fly.

2. Wear the same outfit every day.

Daniel Radcliffe is one of those guys you just want to grab a beer with, just to see how many people mistake him for Elijah Wood. Now though he admits that he doesn’t get as much attention from paparazzi as some of his female co-stars, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t hate every second of it.

In interviews, Radcliffe has admitted to driving around for miles just to annoy the paparazzi following him. However, his finest moment was the time he decided to just wear the same outfit every day for six months.

HArrrry

You’d think wearing the same thing for 7 years would have tipped them off.

The plan was as clever as it was simple, Radcliffe would happily pose for as many photos as the paparazzi wanted to take. However, when they went to sell them, regardless of when they took the photos, it would always look like they came from the same night, effectively making them worthless.

Radcliffe notes that after several weeks the paparazzi just gave up. After which we presume he walked around in a penguin outfit and high heels just to prove he could.

1. Film them and see how they like it.

Joseph Gordon Levitt may not be the most famous person on this list, but hot damn is he the most badass. Before he got his big break and became an A-list star, Levitt was being hounded by two members of the paparazzi. Presumably they were big fans of his work on Third Rock from the Sun. Rather than become annoyed, Levitt simply picked up his own camera and started filming them:

This simple gesture absolutely flabbergasted his picture takers who reacted to having a camera pointed in their face (the exact same thing they do every single day) with all the grace and tact of Tourette’s suffer being set on fire. Rather than admitting that it was kind of annoying and thus proving what Levitt was trying to prove, the two paparazzi instead called Levitt an asshole and told him he’d never amount to anything.

papapa

“How were we supposed to know he’d be in Batman?”

But here’s the best part, Levitt didn’t scream or shout, he simply pointed the camera at these two guys and asked them some very simple questions and watched their tongues turn into constantly-shitting-themselves snakes as they stumbled over their own words like they’d been inhaling Jack Daniels.

How freaking awesome is that? Joseph Gordon Levitt, to make up for the fact you’re not going to spend the rest of your life being followed by the bitchin’ explosions you deserve so much, we made this for you. Thank you, Joseph. Thank you for this story.

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Never forget.

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